I am not one to sulk, but this Christmas just hasn't been feeling like Christmas.
First of all, it hasn't been snowing.
Second of all, we don't even have a Christmas tree (not for lack of trying)
and third....we wont even be home for Christmas.
(Gatten family reunion)
Our friends tried to let us not be "grinches" by bringing us a HUGE fake tree, setting it up for us and staying for 5 hours while we tried to decorate it.
After 3 trips to walmart for more lights, Jon touched ONE light and *poof* they all went out.
We couldn't get it to stand up straight, either...so finally after two days of looking at the slanted, undecorated tree we threw in the towel and hauled it off.
The rest of the "holiday to do list" was getting checked off, but I still wasn't feeling in 'the spirit'.
Christmas cards? Check.
holiday work party planned and executed? Check.
our home ugly sweater party planned and executed? Check.
Caroling party with the ward? Check.
Christmas shopping? Check.
Last thing on the list before Christmas?
Holiday FHE. Baking goodies for the neighbors.
I was kind of dreading this, too...as I have been busy the last couple of weeks!
I taught a class that night, so I came home tired, hungry, wanting a shower. Jon had started with the boys (and I had done the prep work earlier) so instead I jumped in helping.
This is when it all changed.
Jon finally stopped watching sports and turned on Manheim Steamroller. We started singing and baking. I gave the boys some frosting for sugar cookies and let them go at it.
Something inside of me took a step back.
It felt like I was an outsider looking in on my beautiful life.
My little Cade...so particular, trying to make every cookie look perfect. Making sure Jay does his cookie right... stopping to give "Cheekies some Bukahs" (who knows...but it's love).
My little Jay Jay....loading up tons of frosting on to one cookie, pouring half a bottle of sprinkles on top, then licking all of it off. As if that's not enough, he dips his hand straight into the frosting cup.
And Tyce....sitting there cooing and gaaing and playing with his fat feet. Occasionally calling for enough attention to where one of us stops to say "hi", make him smile and kiss his chubby face.
Then there was my husband.... the man that I love. The one who I started all of this with! He is such an amazing Father. I sense the deep love he has for our children, for me. I love watching him enjoy his time with us. I know he misses us when he is away, and he soaks us up while he is here. I noticed each time he went out of his way to clean a dish, give our boys a hug, or come up behind me and give me a kiss.
I sat there, busy with my hands but at a stand still in my heart.
This is what Christmas is all about.
These pictures do not capture what I felt on this night.
For the first time in a long time I felt true gratitude for the birth of our Savior. I saw His innocence in Tyce. I saw His purity in Cade and Jay, and I saw a glimpse of His love in Jon.
I wish I could capture in a picture the deep feelings I have for Him, my testimony of the gospel, and the true meaning of Christmas...
so I never lose sight of that again.
