This is what I woke up to this morning.
This photo does not EVEN do it justice.
This was a full half gallon of milk, and by the time I saw it, it had been tracked all the way down the halls, all over the living room carpet, and was half dried. It took an hour to clean it up, scrub the carpet and mop the floor on my hands and knees three times before it wasn't sticky anymore.
I know not every day is glorious as a mom, and I know most of us avoid posting about those days on our blogs (to be documented forever)... but I decided I will today.
Before I get into it, let me just tell you how the rest of my week went:
-Jon is gone from Sunday-Sunday. A FULL week.
-all 3 boys got the stomach flu
(this may not sound like a big deal, but this meant cleaning up multiple rounds of puke, mounds of laundry, numerous baths, etc. etc. etc.
-Had to buy a new phone for $250 pre-upgrade.
It took my awesome friend, Xan, having to pick up my puking kid from school (while I was clueless at the gym) to finally put my piece of crap phone to rest. While I was in grabbing the phone, two of the boys had thrown up in the car.
-Boys are finally starting to feel better, so I decide to get away to an adult party. My sister and I planned a Halloween outfit. I got everything for it, had to go back to return stuff so I had the right sizes, etc. THEN, I am picking her up for the party and she pops a ball while pinning to sew (major part of the costume, but no big deal, I thought). I spent an hour running all over cda to find another ball (in the rain) to no avail. We ended up finding a ball in a back yard, and made it to the party 1.5 hours late. Everyone started leaving a half hour later.
-Today I woke up to this milk mess, which in turn, made us late to Cade's first ever basketball game.
You get the idea. So when I came down to this spilled milk, (.Jay had gotten his own cereal and left the milk right where Tyce could get it)
I yelled so hard my voice hurt.
I spanked Jay and sent him to his room, stripped down soaked Tyce, sent Cade to get towels, and then they all left me to clean up the mess.
That's when i lost it.
I cried, and cried and cried.
I started having thoughts like, "Seriously? Is this my glorious, beautiful, life? Cleaning up barf, spilled milk, being late to things and having no quality time to myself?"
I had a battle that I have been seeming to have a lot with myself lately. (Now that my baby is almost 16 months I get the "Are you having more?" question a lot...)
Side 1:
I have to have another kid to keep things even
3 kids just isn't enough to be a good "mormon mom"
I want a girl
With the Lord's help I can handle it
I know I am in the hardest stage, it will get better
I am strong and independent
VS
Side 2:
You are inadequate
I can't believe you yelled at your kids like that
3 kids is so much! It's only going to get harder/busier
Your situation is different, you're alone a lot
If you have more kids, people 'of the world' will think you're crazy
If you have any more kids, maybe you wont be as good of a mom
As I've finally had time to sit and dwell on this week in some peace and quiet, I remembered a conversation I had with my sister (who recently had her 5th child, and is seemingly a little overwhelmed also). It humbled me.
In the most recent general conference for our church, there were two talks that stand out to me about children. One is very eye opening (See it Here). It touches on all the children of the world...their dyer circumstances of starvation, physical and psychological abuse, prostitution, pornography, drug babies, being aborted, etc. etc.
The other (See it Here) helps us realize how to become the good parents we want to be with the help of the Lord.
It finishes,
"God bless you goodly mothers and fathers in Zion. He has entrusted to your care His eternal children. As parents we partner, even join, with God in bringing to pass His work and glory among His children. It is our sacred duty to do our very best."
Between the two talks I realized that these spirits will get here no matter what. Would I rather have them be in my home than in these dyer circumstances previously stated?
My very worst days, when I cry over spilled milk are better than the best days of the children whose parents neglect or abuse them.
Even though I get tired of trying to be strong and put together in my own life, (and just want to stay in my sweats, eat ice cream and cry some days) while in the mean time trying to serve and help others... I am blessed to have my children in a place where I know they are safe and loved. Even that is better than millions upon millions of other childrens' situations.
I'll take a day here or there of stress and feeling overwhelmed to have the comfort of knowing these children are in a good home, under the convenant, with a Mom and Dad who love them, love eachother and love God.
So today I cried. But tomorrow I press on!
